Monday, 30 July 2012

Holiday Blues & Sad News

I’m back from a lovely(ish) week in Cornwall, and the holiday blues have hit hard.

These are no ordinary blues – there are other contributing factors.

1. My car has just failed its MOT, and is going to cost me around £450 to get it fixed. Ouch.

2. I have a nightmare colleague who has been giving me grief the second I stepped into the office this morning and I’m running out of patience with her and her blame culture ways.

And most importantly:

3. Heartbreak & loss

I had a phone call whilst I was away from the local vets. Sadly, Dora was hit by a car and killed instantly.

I am heartbroken. Truly and utterly. She was a wonderful pet and companion and I miss her terribly already.

I take some comfort that the person who took her to the vets did so, so I know what has happened rather than wondering where she is. And I take some more comfort from the fact that it was instant, and she was in no pain. But these don’t make it hurt any less.

I’ve lost pets in the past and I don’t ever remember the pain and sense of loss being as strong as this. Perhaps because I’m now older and more aware of what’s happened, or perhaps because Dora and Chester were my first pets that were mine, all mine. The thing with pets, even cats who are notoriously (and unfairly, I think) labelled as not being very loyal, is that they love you unconditionally, and are always there when you need a cuddle. There were many times that Dora was a source of comfort to me during a hard time, and many more times that she made me laugh with her funny little ways.

I cried a lot on the first day I found out, but since then I’ve really tried to not think about it. Which sounds harsh but its self preservation really, if I don’t think about it, the grief won’t be all-consuming and the pain will stop. Simple. Well, not so simple but I can try. Steve did ask if I wanted to get another cat to take my mind off it, but I can’t bring myself to. I still have Chester and Effy, and even fleetingly (don’t judge me) I considered giving them away, breaking ties, and never owning another pet again as I’m not sure how I’ll cope when their time comes. I now realise I was being irrational and that won’t help – and I love them dearly – so we all just have to get on with it. Chester is not a happy boy at the moment. He disappeared for 3 days after she was killed, and I’m sure he was looking for her. He doesn’t seem himself at all still, thus proving that animals bond and mourn too.

I feel so silly for feeling this way – I’m sure a lot of people don’t really get being this attached to an animal.

The vets she was taken to have kindly kept her body for me, I’m not sure if I’m up to actually looking at her, but I am going to collect her tomorrow and will be taking her blanket to wrap her in, and I will bury her somewhere where I am able to visit her in the future (i.e not in my rented garden, probably at my Dads)

RIP Dora the Explorer – you were such a lovely cat, and I’ll remember you, love you and miss you dearly, always.

Rachel x

21 comments:

  1. This is so sad :( I understand completely how attached you can get to a pet, so don't feel silly about feeling this way. It's natural and shows that you have a big heart. Also, last year we took in a stray that was ill and when she died we were beside ourselves even though we only had her for 3 weeks. I seriously considered giving my pets away when that happened as I can't imagine the heartbreak.

    Big hugs xxx

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    1. Thank you - I'm glad I'm not the only one that considered it, as I now feel awful for it. I'm doing a lot better now, and instead of feeling sad, I feel happy that I had her - even if it wasn't forever - and she had me and I gave her a nice life xxx

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  2. So sorry you are having a bad time after coming back from holiday and I'm even more sorry on your loss.
    Hugs xxx

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    1. Thank you Daisy - and thank you also for doing a post for me whilst I was away :) xxx

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  3. I know I replied to you on twitter but I just wanted to leave you a little comment too. Quite frankly it's bloody awful what we go through but all those happy times make it worth it. I went through the same thing last year and I almost felt guilty that I was glad that my last memories of Mason were him happy and very much alive. I felt the same about my other cat too and then I felt guilty when I got our puppy and my time so spent on loving him that I felt guilty for not being sad anymore, and that's when I realised I didn't feel sad anymore. Every time I looked at a picture I had felt sad but I didnt anymore I just remembered happy things. It wasn't replacing him it was time and it sounds cliche but it is the biggest healer. Lots of lovely thoughts and bloggy hugs and enjoy the time you have with your other two don't forget them in your mourning process

    Jenni

    Bowsbanglesandbakes.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you Jenni - I do feel alot better now and the other two are helping! I feel guilty for so many things, for leaving her to go on hols, for not putting her in a cattery and having someone house sit instead, but in reality there's nothing I could've done to prevent it really, it could've happened at anytime. xx

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  4. My cat unfortunately passed away a few weeks ago and I miss her terribly, i know how you feel xxxx RIP to both our beautiful kitties xxxx

    www.forevermissvanity.com

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    1. I'm really sorry to hear that. I know how you feel, I miss dora so much. All kitties go to heaven - fact - so they are both up there chasing mice and napping in the sun :-) xxx

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  5. This is so sad. We always had cats when I was younger. Two of them my mum had had since before I was born, they died at old ages when I was little and then we have several cats over several years and they all ended up getting run over, some a few months old, some a few years old. The worst time was when they just didn't come home... dreading the worse but not knowing until you found the body. You're not weird being so upset - I cried for weeks after each cat died! I almost cried reading this!!

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    1. I cried when I wrote it! I'm just glad that someone took her to the vets - I couldn't imagine having to go look for her and finding her body. Thank you for your comment, its really appreciated xxx

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  6. this happened to Ollie and Barnaby, two of the cats we had when i lived at home. it was so sad and we were so upset. but all i think of is at least they felt no pain, well that is what i like to think anyway :)

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    1. thats what's really comforting to me too - she felt no pain. thank you for your comment, it means a lot to have support xxx

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  7. I'm so sorry about your beautiful cat. I can't say I know how you feel, but a few years ago I had an amazing dog called Charlie. He was wonderful and I loved him but he was so much trouble, we took him to training schools but we just couldn't keep him under control, so we knew we couldn't keep him. My parents gave him to a retired policeman who lives in the countryside, where he'll be able to have as much space as he needs to tire him out! I was so upset, and every time I see a dog that looks like him it brings a tear to my eye. I know it is terrible to no longer be able to see your brilliant pet every day, or at all, but of course it is very different for you. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. (Sorry, hope you don't mind the life story!)

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    1. Thats a really sad story, and of course I dont mind. Thank you for your comment and the support xxx

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  8. I'm so sorry, losing a pet is terrible. I took a week off work when my cat Mishka got hit by a car a few years ago, it quite literally floored me. I felt silly too, but I kind of feel like as we get older our pets become almost like our children - in a non-weird way. So I think you're justified in feeling as sad as you do. I hope you feel better soon.xx

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    1. I know exactly what you mean, they are our fur babies! Thank you - i feel less sad now, but I do still miss her a lot xxx

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  9. Never, never feel silly for feeling the way you do after losing your cat. Poor Dora and poor you. Losing a furry member of the family can be horribly tough, and there's no right or appropriate way to feel about it. Having been through the loss of several cats I can only send much sympathy your way, and hope that a bit of time helps heal the horrid feeling of loss.

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment, its so nice to have support from people who have been through it too. Makes me feel less silly :-) xxx

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  10. So sad to read this. I know how horrible it is to lose a pet, you're not alone, totally heartbreaking, never ever feel silly. If I think about losing my dogs the thought alone is awful xxx

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