I’m back from a lovely(ish) week in Cornwall, and the holiday blues have hit hard.
These are no ordinary blues – there are other contributing factors.
1. My car has just failed its MOT, and is going to cost me around £450 to get it fixed. Ouch.
2. I have a nightmare colleague who has been giving me grief the second I stepped into the office this morning and I’m running out of patience with her and her blame culture ways.
And most importantly:
3. Heartbreak & loss
I had a phone call whilst I was away from the local vets. Sadly, Dora was hit by a car and killed instantly.
I am heartbroken. Truly and utterly. She was a wonderful pet and companion and I miss her terribly already.
I take some comfort that the person who took her to the vets did so, so I know what has happened rather than wondering where she is. And I take some more comfort from the fact that it was instant, and she was in no pain. But these don’t make it hurt any less.
I’ve lost pets in the past and I don’t ever remember the pain and sense of loss being as strong as this. Perhaps because I’m now older and more aware of what’s happened, or perhaps because Dora and Chester were my first pets that were mine, all mine. The thing with pets, even cats who are notoriously (and unfairly, I think) labelled as not being very loyal, is that they love you unconditionally, and are always there when you need a cuddle. There were many times that Dora was a source of comfort to me during a hard time, and many more times that she made me laugh with her funny little ways.
I cried a lot on the first day I found out, but since then I’ve really tried to not think about it. Which sounds harsh but its self preservation really, if I don’t think about it, the grief won’t be all-consuming and the pain will stop. Simple. Well, not so simple but I can try. Steve did ask if I wanted to get another cat to take my mind off it, but I can’t bring myself to. I still have Chester and Effy, and even fleetingly (don’t judge me) I considered giving them away, breaking ties, and never owning another pet again as I’m not sure how I’ll cope when their time comes. I now realise I was being irrational and that won’t help – and I love them dearly – so we all just have to get on with it. Chester is not a happy boy at the moment. He disappeared for 3 days after she was killed, and I’m sure he was looking for her. He doesn’t seem himself at all still, thus proving that animals bond and mourn too.
I feel so silly for feeling this way – I’m sure a lot of people don’t really get being this attached to an animal.
The vets she was taken to have kindly kept her body for me, I’m not sure if I’m up to actually looking at her, but I am going to collect her tomorrow and will be taking her blanket to wrap her in, and I will bury her somewhere where I am able to visit her in the future (i.e not in my rented garden, probably at my Dads)
RIP Dora the Explorer – you were such a lovely cat, and I’ll remember you, love you and miss you dearly, always.